WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
