I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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