Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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