She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
