I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
