Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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