is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
