the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
