BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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