Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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