I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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