so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
