How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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