At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
