Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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