you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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