i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
