what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
