I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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