I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
