i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
