No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
