Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
