I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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