Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
