he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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