and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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