she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
