garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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