you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
