Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
