there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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