we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
