Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
