i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
