Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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