Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
