I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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