I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
its liver damage thursday
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
