gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
