I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
