Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
