think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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