Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your dad touched me again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
