I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
