8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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