I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ketchup is God's man juice
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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