If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
