I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
