i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
