i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize