when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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