Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
