im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
