Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
