And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
