Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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