Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
