I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I smell like Dick and happiness
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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