Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I want a musical about memes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
