I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
