I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
