it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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