Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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