You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
