sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
