"it" just moved
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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