The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
