Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
