Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
