next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
