We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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