maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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