He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
