Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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