he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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