i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
