Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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